Memoirs of a Puppy

Today I decided that I would tell everyone the story of my puppy, Patrick. My mom says he's the only dog she likes because she can pop him in the washer and he'll come out smelling nice instead of like wet dog.

Private Patrick Plucky Puppy is a retired army veteran. Mom says he's not part of the US Army but a secret part of the government they call 'Stuffed Up.' It's where special stuffed animals go before they're sent out to stores and bought by parents for their kids. Well, Patrick went through vigorous training. He learned how to take a pounding, base jumping (for when kids like me chuck him out of their cribs, strollers, and such), scuba diving (when he goes in the washer), and therapy (when Mom takes my binky he's the only one I can really talk to that understands me).

Now all that training would have been good enough, but Patrick was the best of the best and so he went on to another, even more secret part of the government called 'MBS' or 'Monster Bashing Squadron.' In the MBS stuffed animals learn how to fight all kinds of monsters, closet monsters, under-the-bed monsters, potty monsters... any kind you can think of, he learned to fight them! He is now a certified MBS Agent which means he has a license to kill, maim, and call nasty names to any monster he lays his ninja skilled eyes on. He received many medals in the line of duty.

One fateful day, Patrick was wounded while protecting an entire orphanage from a booger monster. He was honorably discharged and is still a member of the board with MBS and has over 427 unbroken records at MBS and Stuffed Up.

I'm so grateful to have him and I always know he'll protect me from anything.