Insta-wha?

At daycare I've had some problems... Well, actually other people have had problems with me. I'm just being nice to these kids and they... hit me with toy cars and bite me.

Mom asked my teachers, "What can I do?"

They said, "She's not that bad, she just tries to be friendly, but she's kind of an instigator."

When my mom heard that, she paled, "Wh-what?!" she asked.

"She gets into the other kids faces and says, 'Hi!' but then she won't back off."

Mom wobbled out of the care center, put me in the car, and sat in the driver's seat for several seconds... then said, "Crap." I'm not sure what that means... but she said it.

Then she was telling dad afterward and she said something about Grandpa Hargis getting a good laugh out of that.

Can somebody please enlighten me?!

Life as a Child

Sometimes it's hard to be a kid. Let me tell you why.

1. Mom always takes Patrick, puts him in a pillowcase, and throws him in the washer. It's like the mob. She's making him sleep with the fishes... Except he comes out clean and... smelling like fresh mountain streams.
2. I am not allowed to draw without supervision. Creativity takes privacy and space... preferably bedroom walls.
3. I have to use the potty, even though it's more convenient for me to just squat anywhere with a diaper.
4. My bedtime is so early, the sun's not even in bed yet.
5. My parents make me blow on everything I eat. I've gotten so used to it, I blow on my cereal.
6. I have to take a nap... nuff said.
7. I'm not allowed to help fold clothes because I somehow unfold everything in the process.
8. Vacuums suck... nuff said.
9. I'm no longer able to have string cheese, due to several incidents of me storing it in my cheek like a chipmunk and spitting it out thirty minutes later.
10. Popsicles are not infinite.